Breaking the news to children


The relationship of husband and wife is the custodian of children, who suffer the most once their parents don’t get along well. According to the survey of 2012, there were 118,140 divorces in England & Wales. This rate hasn’t gone down ever since.

Children are emotionally hurt by the breakup or divorce news of their parents. It is also believed that it is most difficult to break the news of divorce to children aging between three and thirteen. It is so because of emotional impact of such devastating news. Obviously, there are ways of handling the situation effectively and in a better manner.

First of all, you should prepare them beforehand about the current situation according to their age. Keep reminding them about the love you hold for them. It will not make them sensitive. Once, it is confirmed that parents are separating and it is time to reveal it to children, it’s better to call a family meeting. Before talking to children, you must get ready for any kind of questions from children.

This video can also give you an idea how kids of different age react when you break the news of separation or divorce.

Following preplanned guidelines will assist you on how to go about the breaking the divorce news to the children.

  • Discuss everything with your ex on how to explain:

Confer with your ex on how to explain the entire thing. Keep your emotions aside and work on the betterment of your kids. It is worthwhile to make children understand that whatever is happening is for their favor which is ultimately going to benefit them. Their goodwill and security in any case will never be compromised and the parents’ love for them will never cease under any circumstances. Discuss everything with your ex before breaking news to the children. Beforehand discussion will leave you with no argument in front of your children.

  • If children are of different age groups:

If your children are of different age groups, talk to them about the divorce individually. The older ones can be taken into trust and explained tiny bit of details. It is also necessary that both the parents are present in the meeting. Having said that it implies on the mutual meeting with all children.

Also read: Talking to children about separation

  • Do not play blame games in front of your children:

It is better to talk in a calm manner and to control yourself. Avoiding arguments will definitely lead to sound understanding where children will be able to grasp the meaningful conversation. Shouting and yelling of spouses will not help at all. Instead children will become agitated and all the purpose of the discussion will be lost.

  • Be prepared for questions:

Children are inquisitive about everything in their life, let alone divorce. If you will announce the big news abruptly, it might give them a sudden shock of disbelief. They will ask a lot of questions. You, at this point need to be calm and peaceful to answer their queries.

  • Telling children about arrangements:

It is worthwhile to explain who will be leaving the house or children, how they can stay connected, how often they would be seeing each other, how long will this work and when they can call them. Children should be given answers and insight to what actually is going to happen and how things will be taken care of.

  • Discuss the entire scenario with open mind:

While discussing the entire scenario, be receptive to the ideas, questions and even reactions of your children. Don’t be judgmental and being an adult, act wisely.

  • Do not expect acceptance to the divorce news right away:

Allow them time to settle with the devastating news. Younger ones will take more time to settle back to normal life as compared to the older ones. Take help from your oldest child in handling situations.

  • Taking help from friends, siblings and relatives:

Take help from their friends’ mothers. They can guide your children how to behave in a certain situation. But be sure not to rely on those parents who can take advantage of the scenario and can cause more problems.

  • Explaining details to children:

Apparently there is no need to explain who is going to take care of finances and who’s not. However, keeping it as a secret may not be a good idea. Again, you need to explain things in detail to those who are older and capable of handling the situations. If your children fall under thirteen to eighteen bracket, then you can tell them how finances will be worked out.

  • Suitable time for breaking news:

Any holiday, a day off from school or time when everyone at home is at ease are the moments which can be useful to break news to children. However, you need to be sure about certainty that everyone will attend this meeting. Obviously, children might take it seriously as to know what is about to be discussed and won’t hold their horses. Make them know that it is all going to be in favor of the entire family.

Knowing how to handle children after sharing such news, you should be responsive and always ready to lend an ear to listen to their concerns.

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