Emotional aspects of separation


Breaking up with your partner is painful and heart wrecking. You may have certain reasons for the break up but at some point, you feel hurt and painful.  It is even more stressful if children are involved. It is extremely important to take good care of the children during this phase. Sometimes you’re so much emotionally attached with each other that it takes some time to accept the reality and move on. Following are the some emotional stages of break up, that many of the people face after splitting. It is always better to work through your emotions and give healing process its time. Don’t think that you’re the only person, who is feeling this way. Many people go through these emotional stages and it is normal if you’re feeling this way.

  • State of denial:

This is the stage many people experience before or after the break up. Most of the time, people are so confident that they don’t even think that this relationship would ever get over. They just are not in a state to accept the reality. Also, after the breakup, they believe that their partner will come back and it would be the same again. They tell themselves that everything would be fine and they will make him/her come back again. The reason why they think this way is that they don’t want to feel hurt.

  • State of anger:

Feeling angry at you and your ex is natural. However, most of the time, this is a short term emotion and mainly because you’re hurt and you don’t want this to happen. However, sometimes, anger may result in taking extreme steps. Therefore, it is very important to control your anger and don’t think about the break-up again and again. You may also think that other people are responsible for this and you feel angry about them.

Also read: How children will react?

  • State of guilt:

State of guilt is another feeling when you feel remorse and resentment. You realize what you did wrong and how rudely you behaved at some instances. What mistakes you made and mistakes that should be avoided to save the relationship. However, over thinking about the things you did in past make you feel more hurt and painful. This kind of feeling may end you in excessive alcohol consumption or drugs. Therefore, it is not appropriate to think this way. Whatever happened, happened. There is no point to think about it again and again and blaming yourself. You need to learn from it and move on, because you can’t change it at any cost. There is a cost everyone pay for the actions, choices and decisions people made in their life.

  • State of fear:

Once you realized the situation and admit the reality, fear surrounds your mind and thoughts and you feel insecure about your future. If you have children from the previous relationship, fear of losing children can make you be very upset. Also, sometimes you fear to move on and trust someone again, because you have experienced pain and agony and you don’t want to experience it again. You fear starting a new relationship and you become less social and avoid going to social gatherings.

  • State of grief:

Grief is a part of healing process and it’s not like only the ones who don’t want to end the relationship feel grief and pain. People on both sides feel grief because it represents a loss. It represents a loss of emotions, promises, feelings and commitments. You may also feel grief at special occasions such as on your ex’s birthday or your child’s birthday when both of you were together.

  • State of re-inventing:

Re-invention is the good part where you realize that it’s over and there is no point in sitting idle and thinking about the past. You still get a whole life and it’s never late to start over again. You learned from the mistakes you made in the previous relationship and now you know how you can avoid making these mistakes again. If you’re thinking this way, it means that you’re on the highway to recovery and very soon you will be giving your best.

  • State of acceptance:

Acceptance part is to accept the reality that it’s over after going through different phases of emotions and you can’t do anything to bring back your relationship on track. Yes, you made mistakes and everyone makes mistakes. So, you stop blaming yourself and start thinking positive. Even if you were the one that made it difficult to stay for your ex, you learn from your mistakes and you tell yourself, that in future, I’m not going to make these mistakes again, because you realized how painful it is to lose someone. You accept the reality and try to move forward.

After breakup, you may find it difficult to cope up with different emotions, because of so many questions in your head and emotional ups and downs. However, after sometime, you will get back to normal. Time is one of the greatest cure. As the time goes on, you feel less painful and the intensity of pain will fade away.

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